Experiencing body dysmorphia

When I was in third grade, I realized that my stomach stuck out over the line of my sternum. This realization led to insecurity, which suddenly grew into an obsession with this part of my body. I believed that my stomach was unnaturally large. 

In eighth grade, I went to my doctor searching for a remedy to fix this “flaw” in my appearance. My doctor told me that I was a perfectly ordinary girl. But, I didn’t believe her, nor did I believe my family members when they told me that my stomach was normal — as was the rest of my body. 

My body image during this time displayed symptoms of Body Dysmorphic Disorder, a mental illness in which one fixates on a perceived flaw in their appearance, imaginary or otherwise. Body dysmorphia, the belief that one has critical defects in their appearance, is what I dealt with.

Common focus points of body dysmorphia are perceived flaws in hair, face, or skin. Body dysmorphia persuades its victims to go to great lengths to alter said-flaws. This may include getting plastic surgery, committing oneself to restrictive diets, or concealing points of insecurity with makeup or clothing.  

In severe cases, this warped self-perception can lead to Body Dysmorphic Disorder. According to statistics obtained by the National Library of Medicine at the National Institutes of Health, 1.6% of the United States population has this disorder. Commonly, developing body dysmorphia is attributed to low self-esteem, perfectionism, or genetics. 

Equating one’s self-worth to their physical appearance is a prominent byproduct of body dysmorphia. This conception can force individuals who are struggling with this affliction to prioritize their outward appearance above their mental health, which has dire consequences.

The societal standard of beauty is endorsed in the media, through diet culture, and even systemically by its inaccessibility for marginalized groups. This rigid standard can cause individuals to compare their bodies to their friends, celebrities, and peers. It is therefore easy to be hyper-fixated with one’s physical form. This is especially true when the appearance of one’s body and the current standard of beauty are incredibly different.

Francesca Bergamini, an architectural visual artist from Italy, was born with a birthmark covering half of her face. As a child, she was afraid of how the people around her would react to this feature.

“When I was a child I really wished my birthmark would go away by magic,” Bergamini said. “This had a huge impact on me when I grew up, the way I reacted to people, and the way I reacted to the world.”

While societal standards don’t directly cause body dysmorphia in an individual, they can worsen the effects of it, and increase one’s likelihood for developing it. The socially accepted appearance is often — if not always — unattainable.

Like many who suffer from body dysmorphia, I previously avoided social situations to conceal my body. I feared ridicule and judgment. It was an incredibly isolating experience. Specifically, my insecurity about the size of my stomach kept me from enjoying the pool as a kid and hanging out with friends after eating a large meal. I believed that the people around me would judge me for the imperfections I saw in my body.

In her journey of self-acceptance, Bergamini decided not to give value to others’ opinions of her. This has made it much easier for her to become confident in herself. 

“There were some times that I was really worried that my mother or father would be ashamed of my birthmark. That was my number one fear,” said Bergamini. “Now I try not to think about how other people think of me.” 

My self-deprecating view of my stomach didn’t change until modifications in my life forced me to focus my attention elsewhere. When I wasn’t constantly thinking about my stomach, I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my chest. I suddenly was able to move more easily, speak more easily, and smile more easily when I wasn’t focusing intently on my insecurities. Body dysmorphia is not an easy obstacle to overcome, but by seeking out situations that bring joy to your life, the process of healing is more likely to occur.