Beyond the mirror
“Never trust a mirror,
For the mirror always lies,
It makes you think that all your worth,
Can be seen from the outside.”
— Erin Hanson
Mirrors are made of a transparent glass material with a reflective surface towards the back. They lead us to misperceive everyday objects, as well as ourselves.
For some time, whenever I walked into the bathroom to shower, brush my teeth or comb my hair, I insistently stared at my reflection. I had no proper reason as to why I repeated this behavior so often. I felt like I was staring into an abyss of imperfection, flaws, and mistakes.
I stared at my phone daily and scrolled through social media. When I pressed the button to turn the screen off, I was left with a reflective, black surface — another image of myself I dreaded to see.
I threw my phone aside, opened my laptop and saw another reflection in the hollow screen. Mirrors were everywhere.
I visited my bathroom, frustrated. I forced myself to stare into the glass, wanting to shatter it the moment my eyes met my reflection.
I lifted my shirt above my rib cage, turned to the side — releasing the breath I unconsciously held in. My belly fat made my stomach look saggy. My waistline wasn’t defined and curved like the girls I saw on Instagram. I didn’t have those subtle abdominal muscles like the girls I watched on YouTube.
I looked down at the white stretch marks plastered on my thighs. At times, I found myself scratching them, rubbing them excessively, as if a magic eraser would make them disappear into thin air.
When the COVID-19 pandemic began, I binged food, avoided exercise, and refused to look at my reflection. Increased amounts of stretch marks and tummy fat accompanied my habits.
Healing took time. I unfollowed Instagram models, listened to my hunger cues, and began to spread body positivity through social media.
A single reflective object does not determine my worth or yours. A reflection determines nothing. It’s just an image — nothing about you is a mistake.
“Never trust a mirror,
For it only shows your skin,
And if you think that it dictates your worth,
It's time you looked within.”
— Erin Hanson
